Trena Eiden

Gar and I recently celebrated our 42nd anniversary. Imagine waking up to my sticky-up hair for 15,000 gut-wrenching mornings. The man has a strong stomach.

I have been known to get on his last nerve, though. On a recent Sunday we were sitting in church and since the service hadn’t started yet, I was only half-listening. Suddenly, jerking upright, I turned to Gar and asked, “Did the pastor just say something about a ‘sociopath?’” Furrowing his brows, Gar frowned (which is his natural expression when dealing with me) then shaking his head, he exhaled through clenched teeth, “He said, ‘associate pastor.’” 

I recently read an article about what kind of person to marry. The author said virtually everyone thinks they’ve hit the jackpot on the honeymoon, but it takes a few years to conclude whether the decision to actually wed was a good one. I’m here to tell you, Gar was much too hasty in dropping to one knee, but I warned him — and for what it’s worth, my mother warned him — so his poor decision-making skills are on him.

The article in mention stated, “The best marriages are made up of everyday decisions that say, ‘I love you’ rather than, ‘I love me.’”

As I read this to Gar one afternoon, I kidded, “I’m pretty sure we’ve been married this long on the solid foundation of, ‘I love me and you love me.’” I raised my eyebrows questioningly, but he just stared back so I asked if he had anything to add? He shook his head and managed a chuckle, “Nope, I knew that.” He’s so wise, and also honest, which is another attribute we’re supposed to look for when picking a mate. 

Something else we’re supposed to tune into is whether the person is kind. Well, I know for a fact that if I asked Gar, “Do my arms seem too flabby to you?” he’d hands-down reply, “Heck no, I like how they flap in the wind.”

One thing that I was intrigued by was that we’re supposed to pick someone mentally mature. I’m a little sketchy on what that entails but I know Gar, when pressed, says the right things. Take a recent night, for instance. I said, “I haven’t eaten anything but carbs all day so I should go find some protein.”

Gar, being completely sincere, yet somewhat clueless, helpfully offered, “There’s some turkey in the fridge that you could wrap cheese around. And there’s chocolate.” God bless this mentally mature individual. Any man who adds chocolate to a protein conversation, is the man of my dreams. 

Being flirty was high on the “must have” list and Gar is right on with that one, too. Last summer with a broken wrist, I helped Gar do some roofing. As we finished and I climbed down the ladder, one-handed, my shirt caught on a metal lip. As I descended, it stayed up until it was basically a neckerchief — and I’ll just mention I had nothing on under it. I grimaced and asked Gar if the neighbor was watching. Rolling my eyes, I lamented, “If he was, it wasn’t for long because he saw things he’ll never unsee.”

Gar, below me on the ladder, stepped up close, and pulling my top loose from its impingement, whispered in my ear, “I like what I see; you should do that trick more often.” Sigh … he’s such a tease, my precious pot of gold.

Another mention was compassion, and Gar does have that, though it may not be for me. One morning last spring as I started out the front door on my way to work, I realized swallows were nesting in one of the birdhouses on our deck. I stepped back inside to tell Gar and as I took hold of the doorknob to leave again, he stopped me, matter-of-factly declaring, “We shouldn’t go out that way.”

Scowling, I griped, “What? We’re not gonna be able to utilize the front door all summer?” He nodded, “Yeah, the servants go out the back.” 

The last trait was truthfulness and it made me think of something Gar said recently. As he headed to a training in North Carolina, he called to tell me he’d picked up his rental car and gotten to the hotel. In awe, he said, “This Toyota automatically shuts the blinker off, even with only a slight turn.” I laughed, “Big whoop, you already have me to tell you to turn your blinker off.”

He agreed, “Yeah, but this one’s a lot less annoying.”