At times, it is amazing to witness little children’s capabilities in speaking, acting and making choices. In those moments, we are reminded of a verse from the Gospel of Matthew 18:3: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” This doesn’t mean acting immature or naive but reconnecting with something essential inside you — the self you once were.

Parents are biosphere of children

Neuroscience research has shown that children raised in high-conflict homes can become neurologically wired to expect danger, just like a soldier in war zones, because the same brain regions in them get activated.

When we choose to bring a child into this imperfect yet beautiful world, we take on the profound responsibility of creating a healthy, nurturing, peaceful and loving environment for this precious being, who requires more awareness than perfection.

The story of Eckhart Tolle illustrates this vividly. He has described his early childhood as deeply traumatic, marked by frequent conflict between his parents. As a sensitive child, he recalls feeling anxious and sad, even developing suicidal thoughts at a young age. He remembered becoming anxious around the time his father was coming home from work, because his sensitive little body knew what would happen when he came home. 

'So, they know'

In animal kingdom, a baby antelope can run 10 minutes after birth. It takes much longer time for a human baby to walk and speak. Thus, they need to connect and communicate their needs through body language — mother tongue. Nature helps them sense crucial information in their body for survival.

Yet adults often underestimate this sensitivity. Research suggests that boys, especially between the ages of 4 and 7, demonstrate remarkable emotional intelligence. They are “attentive, articulate, authentic and direct,” until social and cultural pressures begin to shape them otherwise. 

For boys, this shift often comes early. Messages from peers, institutions and even families may encourage them to suppress vulnerability, disconnect from their feelings, and prioritize independence and achievement over connection. For girls, this disruption often intensifies during adolescence, when the previously confident and honest 11-year-old girl, who says what she sees based on her experiences, becomes quiet under the weight of external expectations and fear of judgment.

In response, children adapt. They learn to please, hide, perform, distract, escape or numb themselves. Over time, these adaptations can contribute to mental health struggles — depression, anxiety, eating disorders, attention problems or out of control behaviors.

Psychologist Carol Gilligan, who has been named as one of the 25 most influential thinkers of the 20th century by Time magazine, once shared a story about a young boy (4) who asked his mom, “Mommy, why are you sad?” The mother read some psychology books, was cautious about not burdening her son with distress and denied her feeling sad. Then her son said, “Mommy I know you, I was inside you.” 

Similarly, couple therapist Terri Real, who has written a first book about man’s depression, "I Don’t Want to Talk about It," shared his own experience with his son (2). While holding his son in his arms, Real got into an argument with his wife, who was also a therapist. Then his son told his mother, “Mommy, you need a timeout,” his wife listened, “OK” and went in the bedroom for about five or 10 minutes and came out. And then his son said, “Mommy, you need more time.” Even at such a young age, he could sense what was needed for emotional regulation. No doubt how much we need to be attuned to our brilliant young souls.

Miracle in the middle
of the ocean

Here’s another story that shows something remarkable about what a young boy is capable of from Western Australia. 

On a sunny Friday afternoon in Geographe Bay, a mother and her three children found themselves in sudden danger as strong winds pushed them far out to sea while paddleboarding and kayaking.

Faced with a life-threatening situation, the mother made “one of the hardest decisions” she has had to make — she told her older son, Austin Applebee (13), “Go get help.” The boy had recently been unable to advance to the next level in swimming class because he was not able to swim more than 350 meters. 

However, amazingly he swam approximately 4 km through strong currents over the course of four hours. After reaching shore, he ran another 2 km to retrieve his mom’s phone and call emergency services. Reports described him as “calm and collected,” “precise,” as he communicated critical details that ultimately led to his family’s rescue after they had drifted 14km offshore. Later a rescue commander described him as “superhuman.” 

The boy revealed in an interview that prayer, Christian songs and “the happiest things” in his head kept him going. His focus on happy memories at church with friends, his clear goal to save his family, and his choice to keep swimming led to his heroic efforts to save his family. He created a miracle. 

Our original
brilliant self

Stories like this remind us of what might be called our “original self” — the part of us that is open, connected, trusting, and capable of profound courage. It is the self that exists before fear, conditioning and adaptation reshape how we navigate the world.

Nurturing children, and reconnecting with the child within us, is deeply therapeutic. It invites self-discovery, healing, and the secret of healthy relationships and happy life. And sometimes, the biggest miracle isn’t out of reach. It’s already inside you. It can be one of the ways to create the kingdom of heaven here and now.

TAKE AWAY TO-DOS

Check in on family and friends who might be struggling with mental health issues.

The Wyoming Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by call or text at 988 at any time.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist and part of Park County NAMI.)