Life is what you make it, they say. Many graduation speeches conclude with something to the effect of, “You can be anything you want to be; everyone has an equal chance …”

Equal, my sweet patootie! I’m not sure exactly what my patootie is, but I bet it isn’t sweet, and neither is the disparity of fate. All things being equal, there is limited equality of blessings and opportunities. Certainly we all must make the most of what gifts we’re awarded in the birthright lottery, but a few cranial neurons misfiring can change everything.

At random points during a lifetime, the cards may be completely reshuffled. You might go to bed after betting and raising with your straight flush, and wake up with barely a pair of deuces. Overnight, all bets are off.

Theresa, an employed, 40ish mother of two appears intelligent and speaks articulately — far from “dumb as a box of rocks” — but she eats rocks by the boxful. In her 20s, a rare disease called “Pica,” which means “Latin word for magpie — a bird that will eat anything,” came calling. During an interview, she pulled selected stones from a bag, chewed and swallowed them. She also eats normal food, but rocks are her favorite. She didn’t choose to eat rocks, but for 20 years, she’s been compelled to.

Three-year-old Natalie, also with Pica, is like Mikey from the cereal commercial: she’ll eat anything. She was hospitalized a few times after snacks of pencils, rubber balls, Venetian blinds and other household items. When she was 2, her mother noticed blood in her mouth and realized she’d devoured a light bulb.

The capacity of the human mind to lose its capacity for normalcy — the potential for a simple chemical glitch to throw the train completely off the track — is “mind-boggling.” People with the disorder “Trichotillomania” pull their own hair out and don’t know why. The sudden onslaught of Tourette’s Syndrome is enough to make a preacher swear … literally.

A woman featured on an episode of Dr. Phil has six distinct personalities that can take over at any given time. Her husband and kids have learned to deal with her multiple personality disorder, but she can no longer work, and the happy family life they knew is gone.

And then there’s the dreaded bipolar disorder, which often appears soon after teen years and lasts a lifetime. Had Donald Trump become bipolar, he might very well be homeless.

There are certain sounds we all cringe at. Fingernails on the blackboard is the most common. I get goose pimples at the “squeak” made when I step on the edge of an apple. For 14-year-old Taylor, it might be a sneeze, cough, or even someone breathing that puts her into an uncontrollable rage. She has Meesaphonia which means “hatred of sounds.” Taylor loves her mother, but they can’t eat in the same room because she might hear her mother chew and go ballistic.

It began when she was 8 and a popular, straight-A student. One day her mother coughed and Taylor screamed and ran off. On the television show “20/20, Medical Mysteries,” they played a tape of Taylor’s chilling reaction to a cough or sniffle. She even began attacking her mother when she made a sound, sometimes even a deep breath. They showed the two of them saying “I love you,” with a secret handshake, since the sound of her Mom’s voice could put her over the edge.

They also profiled a successful, young entrepreneur who has to sit in a separate room from his partner for the same reason. He’s a good-looking guy, but can’t stay in relationships since a girlfriend’s chewing might prove unbearable.

My niece Krista Blough has two brothers — one a construction lawyer in Oregon, the other, a schizophrenic who could be anywhere, quite possibly another institution or a Colorado jail. Dealt a bad hand early on, Tommie will never be employed or have a wife and cute children like his brother, one year older.

I hate to be “Dougie Downer,” but I’m afraid life is what you — and mystical forces totally beyond your control — make it.