When people seek out help from therapy, it is often at their lowest point. They express feelings of being, “so tired,” “overwhelmed,” “I don’t know what to do,” “I don’t feel like myself,” and “I feel lost.” As a therapist, I gently remind them of their fundamental right to happiness, no matter what happened in the past or no matter what is going on in their life. 

‘I can’t live with myself any longer’

Eckhart Tolle, a renowned spiritual teacher, has shared the transformative moment during his “dark night of the soul.” It dawned on him that the voice in his head was not his true self. The recurring thought “I can’t live with myself any longer,” echoes the sentiments of many. Yet, in that abyss, Tolle discovered a transformative truth: he was not the mental noise in his head; he was the one listening. His revelation is resonated by Dr. Joe Dispenza, who once said that this truth was one of the greatest realizations that he had ever experienced in life. 

Tolle’s metaphor likens our thoughts to ever-changing clouds, while our true self is the vast, blue, unchanging sky behind the clouds.

Thoughts can be troublemakers

In our fast-paced lives, stress has become an unwelcome companion. The pursuit of success brings forth stress rooted in the unknown, uncertainty, a loss of control, leading to incessant “overthinking.” Those nagging, negative thoughts act as real “troublemakers.” Therapists are well aware that people suffer not because of a situation but because of their thoughts about the situation. So many people live mentally in the past or in the future, which means thinking about what happened in the past or what will happen in the future, “regretful past” or “fearful future.” It is a very dysfunctional way of living. There is another way to live a joyful and peaceful life by freeing ourselves from thoughts.

You are not your thoughts

I feel excited whenever I share with my clients this great news, as shared by Eckhart Tolle: We are not our thoughts but the one who recognizes, and observes the thoughts — the recognizer, observer. I have worked with seniors at a nursing home. I remember one senior who was suffering from her old stressful thoughts that she had been carrying almost her whole life, saying, “I’ve never talked about this with anyone, since I was little.” Can you imagine the burden that she was carrying, the “ammunition,” so to speak, that would be easily triggered by situations similar to an incident that had happened decades ago?

Working on our thoughts about our past painful experiences is a major task of the therapeutic journey. This journey involves revisiting and fully processing old thoughts, as needed. Then we can travel lightly by creating new choices, thoughts, behaviors, lightening the emotional load, which we can choose to start today.

Reality is kinder than we think

A loving spiritual teacher, Byron Katie woke up to reality after having suffered from decades of severe depression, and realized, “When I believed my stressful thoughts, I suffered; when I questioned them, I didn’t suffer.” She encourages us to investigate our stressful thoughts, when caught in moments of overthinking. I let my clients know that they don’t have to believe whatever thoughts arise in them, because they are often not true. Just the opposite of the thoughts can be truer. Often, I remind my clients that reality is kinder than their thoughts in the head, with which they immediately agree. I love their true nature — eternal being, love, and life.

Time to breathe

Taking time for a couple of deep, slow, and conscious breaths is a simple, yet powerful practice. During the day, if you feel anxious, on edge, or stressed, pay attention to your breathing. Breathe in through your nose, then slowly breathe out through your mouth. As humans we are not multitaskers, though we wish we were. Paying attention to slow breathing helps us step out of those troubling thoughts, be in the present moment, where we can find joy, peace, and freedom. 

In conclusion, you are not your thoughts. You are the awareness behind them. This realization is a powerful foundation for our health and overall well-being. As we journey through life, understanding that true freedom comes from distancing ourselves from the incessant mental chatter and aligning with our authentic selves is paramount. Take a breath of relief and embrace the freedom from thoughts.

Take away to-do’s

Check out the NAMI National website at nami.org for signature programs, testimonials, and events. 

Check out your NAMI Wyoming website at namiwyoming.com and Facebook, for upcoming events.

Check in on a friend, who might be struggling with mental health issues.

Be willing to talk with a counselor yourself. 

Become a member of NAMI to support programming or a friend that uses our support.  

Spread the word about NAMI programs and support or contribute to this column.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist in Cody.)