Most of what we do every day is automatic — like brushing our teeth, emotional reaction, driving, or scrolling on our phones — without much thought. That is our unconscious mind at work which was shaped during childhood. Therefore, when we try to change habits, like eating healthier or exercising more, it can be tough because our brain wants to stick with what feels familiar.

The importance of early childhood experiences

The first three years of a child’s life are crucial — during this time, the brain grows to about 80%–90% of its adult size. By age 7, children have already learned much of what they will use to navigate the world, primarily by watching the adults around them. Even without being taught, they simply absorbed everything like sponges — how to think, feel, act and make choices.

Later in life, even when we know better, those early patterns can be hard to break. To live healthier and happier as adults, we need to become aware of these automatic habits and begin to wake up from the familiar ways of thinking, feeling and behaving that were shaped during childhood.

The birth of ACEs research

One of the most groundbreaking studies linking childhood experiences to adult well-being is the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study. It began in an unexpected place: a weight-loss clinic at Kaiser Permanente in San Diego.

Dr. Vincent Felitti, a physician at the clinic, noticed a troubling pattern. Patients who lost weight often regained it and dropped out. In interviews, he paid attention to the stories that the patients kept inside for decades and discovered that most of the patients who struggled to keep their weight reported childhood trauma, such as sexual abuse. One patient described her obesity as “my protection, my wall,” explaining that after she lost weight, she felt vulnerable and unsafe. “I lost my solution,” she said.

Dr. Felitti shared his findings at a national obesity meeting, catching the attention of Dr. Robert Anda at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). Together, they expanded the study to include over 17,000 participants between 1995 and 1997. They created a survey asking about childhood maltreatment, family dysfunction, and current health behaviors.

The scale to measure Adverse Childhood Experiences was developed with ten categories: physical, sexual, and emotional abuse; physical and emotional neglect; domestic violence; household substance misuse; household mental illness; parental separation or divorce; and having an incarcerated family member.

Long-term effects of childhood trauma

The results were astonishing. Higher ACE scores were strongly linked to increased risk of smoking, alcoholism and drug use — as well as depression, suicide attempts, promiscuity, unintended pregnancies, domestic violence, work-related problems, and physical illnesses. A person with an ACE score of six or more has a life expectancy shortened by 20 years.

A “very bright” man in the study experienced parental divorce, grew up in a violent household, and was incarcerated for 20 years after attempting to protect his mother from his stepfather's violence. Upon release, he worked hard to rebuild his life, explaining that drugs, alcohol, and smoking were his way to “block emotions and memories” from a painful past.

Federal judge Mary Bullock, in her memoir Judging Me, details a childhood filled with trauma and adversity. Despite her many accomplishments, she developed multiple health conditions, including four types of cancer, multiple sclerosis and lupus — conditions believed to be linked to prolonged stress and trauma.​

As Dr. Felitti observed, these individuals were trying to solve deep problems that the rest of us never had to face.

What can we do? Early intervention matters

So where do we go from here? Every child deserves a life filled with joy, safety, and love. Dr. Felitti emphasizes the powerful role of parenting. While parenting can bring immense joy, it also presents challenges, especially when parents carry unresolved childhood pain. Without healing, they may unknowingly repeat harmful patterns. The good news is that healing is possible when parents are willing to take steps to break off the generational cycle. As a psychotherapist, I often see and appreciate these brave souls in my therapy sessions.

Healthy family and healthy community

Everyone does the best they can with the knowledge and resources they have. By creating environments where everyone feels safe and valued, we can build healthier and safer communities. Supporting each other and fostering nurturing spaces are essential for the well-being of all families.

Understanding ACEs is not just about uncovering the past but also about building a brighter, healthier future for the next generation. Together, we can create a society where everyone — especially children, has a better chance to feel safe, loved, ready to shine and thrive.

TAKE AWAY TO-DOS

Check out the NAMI National website at nami.org, and your NAMI Wyoming website at namiwyoming.com for signature programs, and upcoming events.

Check in on a friend, who might be struggling with mental health issues.

The Wyoming Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by call or text at 988 at any time.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist and a member of NAMI Wyoming.)