Many people quietly struggle with self-worth, living with doubt, insecurity, or shame. One of my clients once admitted that she felt uncomfortable — even anxious — simply “taking up space.” She described the lifelong battle to feel safe, worthy, or a sense of belonging. Sadly, her story is not unusual — a story many can relate to.

A Mother’s Parting Gift

In her book Radical Acceptance, psychologist and meditation teacher Dr. Tara Brach shares a story she heard from a student at one of her retreats. The student had spent days at the bedside of her dying mother, who was unconscious most of the time. At one point, the mother suddenly opened her eyes, looked clearly at her daughter, and whispered:

“You know, all my life I thought something was wrong with me.”

She shook her head softly, as if to say, “What a waste.” Shortly afterward, she lost consciousness again and passed away.

For the daughter, those words were both heartbreaking and powerful awakening — a final gift. She realized she did not have to live with the same shame her mother carried. Out of love for her mother and for life itself, she resolved to hold herself with more compassion, love, and grace.

The Deep Need to Be Seen and Loved

Shame often takes root early in life. From the moment children are born, they need to know they are loved simply for who they are — unconditionally. They should not have to be good, nice, beautiful, or successful to be accepted.

When a child grows up knowing that their worth lies in their beingness — their true self — they develop a strong foundation of self-worth and confidence. They feel safe enough to explore, learn, and create, which makes life feel more like an open playground, full of possibilities. 

But when love feels conditional, it must be earned by being perfect, pleasing others, or never messing up — doubt begins to grow. That is how shame takes root. Their inner voice says, “I am not enough.”

The Pain-Body and the Stories We Carry

Life is full of challenges — losses, disappointments, obstacles, and changes we cannot control. Normally, we feel strong emotions temporarily, then adjust, accept reality, and keep moving forward. But when people carry deep, unhealed wounds — the “pain-body,” these situations can trigger much more intense reactions.

The pain-body fuels cycles of overreacting, spiraling emotions, and self-criticism. It can make things harder. A small setback can trigger big emotions and harsh thoughts like: “I’m not enough,” “I do not belong,” or “Something is wrong with me.” It can feel hard to escape.

Your Inner Dialogue Matters

In therapy sessions, clients often admit that they are “people pleasers,” unable to say no to difficult people or situations, even if it hurts them. Deep down, many believe they must perform to belong.

When I encourage them to treat themselves like a best friend, many are startled to realize they have been treating themselves like an enemy — judgmental, harsh, and unforgiving.

A respectful and loving relationship with yourself is not a luxury. It is essential. When you are kind to yourself, you are better able to connect with others in healthy, meaningful ways. When you respect yourself, it becomes easier to build relationships grounded in trust and compassion.

The Truth: There is Nothing Wrong with You!

Think again of the mother who spent her whole life weighed down by shame. Only at the very end did she realize that those beliefs had stolen her joy — the waste. Imagine how heavy it must have felt to believe she was never enough. What a tragedy to discover the truth too late. How many of us carry the same burden? You do not have to.

Here is the truth: There is nothing wrong with you.

When I meet with new clients, I often reassure them of this simple truth: their “fundamental right” to happiness, no matter what has happened in the past or what challenges they face today. Many are hesitant to believe it at first, but over time, with daily practice and gentle reminders, they begin to see it for themselves.

There is another way to live. You can tell yourself:

• “Life can be hard at times, but there is nothing wrong with me.”

• “I am loved.”

• “I am enough.”

• “I belong.”

• “I have a right to happiness.”

We all stumble. We all face difficult days. But those moments do not define us. What matters is how we respond — how we learn, grow, and keep moving forward.

Life is not always easy, but do not waste it believing lies about yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend. Your one, precious life deserves to be lived fully — and without shame.

TAKE AWAY TO-DOS

Check out the NAMI National website at nami.org, and your NAMI Wyoming website at namiwyoming.com for signature programs, and upcoming events.

Check in on a friend, who might be struggling with mental health issues.

The Wyoming Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by call or text at 988 at any time.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist and part of Park County NAMI.)