Strong emotions like anger, frustration, loneliness, hurt, sadness, and shame are an inevitable part of life. At times, these feelings can seem overwhelming and difficult to regulate. However, emotions are not personal. They are universal experiences. Rather than avoiding or resisting them, we can learn from them and develop healthier ways to cope.

Ugly Bad vs. Sweet Bad

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of Nonviolent Communication, introduced the concept of “Giraffe Language” to help people foster deeper, more compassionate connections. He encouraged us to approach difficult emotions in a “sweet bad” way rather than an “ugly bad” way.

When we feel angry, hurt, or frustrated by others' words, attitudes, or choices, we often react with judgment, criticism, blame, diagnosis, guilt, or shame —what Dr. Rosenberg called the “ugly bad way.” Instead, we can choose the “sweet bad way” by paying attention to our feelings, identifying the unmet needs behind them, and learning from the experience. This approach allows us to grow rather than getting stuck in negativity.

The “Terrible Twos” – A Normal Part of Child Development

As parents, we naturally want our children to be happy. Watching them cry or throw tantrums can be difficult, as it may trigger feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt on parenting. An unhappy child can make parents question their choices.

Toddlers, in particular, express frustration through tantrums when they don’t get what they want. Parents may take these outbursts personally, feeling like they’ve failed. However, tantrums are a normal part of child development. When a parent says “no” to cookies before dinner, a child might scream or cry. Over time, they learn that feelings are temporary; they come, go, change, and can be managed. These early experiences help children handle disappointment and build emotional maturity.

Even at 2 years old, children have their own feelings, needs, and wants. They want to make their own choices. They are naturally curious and eager to explore new things and places. When adults set limits, children may react with frustration. Learning to accept “no” is an important part of growing up, and parents shouldn’t take these reactions to heart.

Anger vs. Angry Behavior

In therapy sessions, clients often admit their struggles with these strong emotions, especially anger, which has been affecting their relationships, work performance, or overall well-being. I remind them that feeling anger is normal — it’s how we act on it that matters.

Anger is a natural human feeling; it becomes a concern when it turns into aggressive behavior. Yelling, cursing, slamming doors, breaking objects around or engaging in physical aggression can have serious consequences. Uncontrolled anger can damage relationships, harm self-esteem, and even lead to legal trouble.

Strong emotions can be hard for self and others, therefore, so many struggle to manage. It helps if we understand what is behind strong emotions — the needs that we all need to get met. By identifying the unmet needs behind our anger — like feeling unheard or disrespected, we can respond to anger in healthier ways, nurturing emotional growth rather than destructive behavior.

Adult Temper Tantrum — A Reflection of Unmet Needs

Dr. Rosenberg described emotional outbursts as a "tragic expression of unmet needs." When we don’t process our emotions in healthy ways, they can show up as frustration, outbursts, or self-destructive behaviors. It is crucial to show up as who we are by sharing what is alive in us, including our authentic feelings and needs instead of bottling them up.

At times, I hear from clients, “I feel like a child,” especially those who have experienced trauma. Many grew up in stressful environments where they were rarely taught how to process emotions. As a result, they developed coping mechanisms — suppressing feelings, numbing with substances or distractions, or seeking validation through achievements. These patterns often persist into adulthood, leading to feelings of being “stuck,” engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors, and repeating the dysfunctional patterns in relationships and decision-making process.

As a psychologist, Dr. Anne Davin, helps us understand the emotional landscape we all navigate in life, because “most adults are just 8-year-old children inside of big bodies.” No wonder so many often face tremendous challenges with relationships —our childhood emotional wounds often resurface in our adult interactions. Thus, it is crucial for young children to learn how to understand and process emotions while growing up. 

Choosing Growth in Relationships

Relationships can either be a source of severe stress or a foundation for a great life. The path we take depends on how we handle emotions and communicate our needs. By understanding what is behind our tragic reactions and communicating the understanding in a way those around us feel heard and understood, we can break old patterns, foster healthier connections, and create a more balanced, and happier life.

TAKE AWAY TO-DOS:

Check out the NAMI National website at nami.org, and your NAMI Wyoming website at namiwyoming.com for signature programs, and upcoming events.

Check in on a friend, who might be struggling with mental health issues.

The Wyoming Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by call or text at 988 at any time.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist and part of Park County NAMI)