Trena Eiden

Valentine’s Day makes me think of hearts, which makes me recall Gar’s heart catheterization. He and his lungs have never gotten over whatever put them in the hospital in 2024, even though nobody knows what was wrong with him. Eating my cooking probably doesn’t help but he’s a smart man and doesn’t bring that up. When he’s in a lower altitude, he frolics. At 7,000 feet, he has shortness of breath, fatigue, low strength and minimal energy.  

I recently saw a Propel water commercial that touted, “When you’re fit and as active as you are, you want a water that can keep up.” I think I grimaced. Then I saw a meme that summed me up, “I run like I’m late but not too worried about it.” Since mercy’s not my gift, and I have all those symptoms of low energy that Gar has (because exercise gives me hives cough-cough) I asked Gar if maybe he was just out of shape? That swiftly brought a scary glare. Then I said maybe he had toe fungus and that’s the culprit for every bad thing that’s ever happened. He very quietly murmured something I couldn’t make out, but one component was, “What in the actual crap is wrong with her.” 

Last fall, after seeing multiple doctors for his lungs, and having everything prodded and poked, plus a CT scan, an obscene amount of blood taken and a sleep study, we were left with no answers. It was decided Gar would have an ECHO, then a left radial artery catheterization with a possible percutaneous coronary intervention. When the surgical nurse told me this I said, “Gar needs a coronary intervention every time he sees me naked, it’s just not good.” I mentioned to a friend that I really thought Gar had high miles and that it was an oversight on God’s part that we don’t have a check engine light. She said, “I have a check engine light. I just ignore it.”  

In the end, we still have no answers. Gar’s heart was pink and practically perfect. On a high note, since his heart is great, and I don’t have one, we’ll never need another cardiologist appointment ever.  

Marriage is for better or worse and sometimes it’s worser. I’ve just dumped a truck load of words explaining older folks’ woes, but when you’re young and newly married, you have adversity and anguish too. There’s stress raising kids, working too hard, money concerns, little ones’ needs to be met, feelings of frustration, anger, sadness and worry, but don’t throw in the towel. Nothing will be as important long-term, than staying married, and statistics back me up. Married couples are healthier, happier and have more stability for children. In fact, the data on children are off the charts on how much better they are within an intact family, but marriage isn’t an entity that takes care of itself. It’s like a garden and if you don’t put much effort into it, you won’t get much out of it.  

When you disagree, discuss it and listen to each other’s argument. Don’t call names or tell the other one to leave. You can go for a drive but don’t keep driving, like to New Hampshire. Let the other be an individual without saying, “You shouldn’t have said that, done that or felt that way.” You need to not only love each other, but realize that one day the kids will be gone and it will just be the two of you so be best friends. Respect each other and admire the qualities God has instilled in each of you. The adage holds true, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” That road runs both ways and Gar and I have had to endure each other many times. Try to make each other happy, tell that person how precious she or he is and how your life would be less fulfilled without him/her in it. Most important, never give up and also, use humor frequently. 

In talking with my friend’s husband, he said he wakes up every morning feeling blessed to be married to Katie. I whimpered, “Awe.” Then he said, “And ya know, there’s three rings in marriage. 1. Engagement ring. 2. Wedding ring. 3. Suffer-ring.  

Lastly, try not to worry about things that don’t matter. I have a dear friend who is 26 years older than her husband. When they first started dating her only prayer was, “Please, please, please be older than my kids.” Haha.