A few years ago, Doug Siggins attended a local bridal fair, giving out pamphlets that asked a straightforward question: “What do you do when your marriage goes sour?”

For engaged couples thinking about their wedding — the dress, flowers, reception, catering and honeymoon destination — a soured marriage is not the first topic they want to talk about.

But after 32 years of marriage, Doug and Lisa Siggins know the importance of talking through difficult topics, even before a couple says “I do.”

“People are uncomfortable to communicate that everything in their marriage isn’t wonderful,” Doug said. “We need to have more of a common conversation that there are deep struggles in marriage, and it’s OK to say, ‘We’re struggling; we’re not handling it well.’”

That can take the pressure off maintaining a certain image or reputation.

For several years, Doug has provided biblical counseling through the Trinity Counseling and Training Center in Powell. He often counsels couples who are struggling in their marriages and he also does premarital counseling with engaged couples.

“What prompted me to be in a place where I could help others was first desiring to be a better husband and wanting to have a marriage that glorified God,” Doug said. “And realizing there’s always areas for growth. I’m never in a counseling situation where I am not first counseling myself.”

Lisa sometimes joins Doug in counseling couples. The Siggins emphasize that their own marriage isn’t perfect, and said people shouldn’t go to counseling in search of someone who has it altogether.

“We have a ‘real’ marriage filled with ups and downs … our story is one of redemption,” Doug said.

Doug and Lisa met at Northwest College at the beginning of the school year in 1985. A sophomore, Doug was an RA helping new students move into Ashley Hall. Lisa was a freshman, and Doug leapt over a counter to help her with her stuff.

“He was the very first person I met” at NWC, she said.

They soon started dating and knew they belonged together.

“We knew within weeks that at some point we would get married,” Lisa said.

They tied the knot in 1987; Lisa had just turned 20 and Doug was 21. They finished their college educations at the University of Wyoming in Laramie, and then returned to Powell to raise their children.

The couple has six children — five daughters and a son, who is married with two children; he is currently deployed with the Wyoming Army National Guard.

Following his own career with the Wyoming Army National Guard, Doug went into full-time ministry as a biblical counselor. In addition to biblical marriage counseling, he works with people struggling with depression, anxiety, addiction and other issues. Through Trinity Bible Church, the counseling is provided free of charge.

When talking with couples, “I share with them that the Bible presents to us the common human struggle that begins in our hearts,” Doug said.

There’s an internal struggle, he said, where people desire something they’re not getting and feel unsatisfied or think that if their spouse would change, then life would be easier.

“With some caution — knowing there are cases where there’s abuse or neglect — I think that typically we have a common narrative that we fit into, so that’s where I begin,” Doug said. “Because we’re born with a nature that’s bent towards self, not towards God and what he wants or to love my neighbor as myself.”

In a marriage, your closest neighbor is your spouse, Lisa said.

“I’m so easy to love,” Doug quipped as Lisa laughed.

“He still makes me laugh,” she said.

But often it’s hard for couples to truly commit to loving one another through the highs, lows and unknowns in life. There’s often a sense in our culture that marriage should be like a Hallmark movie, or that couples fully make up and everything’s great, Lisa said.

“But that’s not life,” she said. “Life is full of struggles … extended family and children and work things and things you don’t expect that kind of come out and nab you.”

Those experiences either bring couples closer as they work through difficulties, or there’s tension, because they’re not seeing it the same way, she said.

Doug has counseled couples in various stages of marriage — from newlyweds in their first year to aging couples in their 70s.

“I don’t think people are prepared for the deep difficulties of life,” he said. “No man anticipates a wife that goes through depression or doesn’t sleep well … the complexities of the frailty of our lives and bodies.”

It’s easy to become discouraged in those moments and say you didn’t sign up for that — but couples commit to loving one another in sickness and in health, Doug said.

“It’s hard to say to a beautiful, young couple — there may be a place where your spouse is ill for a very long period of time, and you might be a caregiver,” Doug said. “They’re not ready for that.”

There’s a seasoning that happens, he said, as couples learn to love and care for each other in the realities of life.

For Doug and Lisa, they both came from broken homes and knew that they were committed early on, Lisa said. She sees that as God’s grace, protecting them as they persevered through difficulties.

“Now looking back, 32-plus years later, we just see God’s hand through all those things,” Lisa said.

In addition to raising their own six children, the couple has had 17 foster kids over the years.

Doug recalled a day when Lisa told him, “I’m not sure I can do this.”

She felt her capacity was diminished, and the responsibilities magnified.

Always wanting to solve things, Doug started to suggest some changes they could make.

But then, “I had this moment where I finally heard her, and that was a really important point in our relationship,” he said. “Because until then, I was listening to her but not hearing what she was saying.”

The Bible calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, Doug said.

“A much less known passage, which is just as significant, is 1 Peter 3:7 that says I am to live with my wife in a way of understanding, a way of knowledge … as a most precious vessel, like an heirloom that has been passed down for generations,” Doug said.

Typically, a couple’s life revolves around the husband and his preferences.

Instead, “I’m supposed to order our life based on the reality of who she is,” he said. “That took me a very long time to figure out.”

The Siggins also see dancing as a key to a happy marriage.

“He’s the dancing pastor,” Lisa said.

“We love to dance,” Doug said.

They danced in college, and have taken dance classes over the years.

On weekends, the couple often dances to live music at Cassie’s in Cody, and enjoys that time together.

“People need to date their spouse,” Lisa said.