Losing someone you love is one of the deepest pains that we experience in life. Although we all know that death is an inevitable part of life, it often feels foreign — something that happens to others, not to us. Then, suddenly, we are faced with the reality of loss, and it can feel unreal, overwhelming, and heartbreaking.

Grief is a natural response to loss, whether it be the passing of a loved one, the end of a relationship, divorce, or even losing a job. These transitions are difficult, yet they are an unavoidable part of life. 

As a psychotherapist, I often work with individuals who are navigating grief. My first step is to normalize the strong emotions they are experiencing — anger, sadness, fear, and even depression. If they are open to it, I recommend reading “On Grief and Grieving, Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss,” by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler. Originally based on research with terminally ill patients, their work provides invaluable insights into the grieving process that can apply to all kinds of loss.

The five stages of grieving

Kübler-Ross and Kessler describe five stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, grief is not a linear process — each person experiences it differently, moving through these stages in their own way and time.

Initially, many struggle to comprehend their loss, feeling as if they are trapped in a dream; their mind’s way of saying no to what just happened. This denial helps cushion the shock. As reality sinks in, anger may arise — toward oneself, loved ones, or even God. It is important to remember that divine love is vast enough to hold our anger. Bargaining follows, with thoughts of "What if?" and "If only." This can lead to a deep sadness that may feel unbearable. Eventually, in their own time, individuals reach a place of acceptance — not forgetting the loss but finding a way to live with it. They can accept what happened in life, the future, the change that they would face, lead, and create. At this stage, they can begin to celebrate and honor their loved one’s life — their beautiful perfect life in its own, embracing the beauty of the time they shared.

Supporting someone who is grieving

When someone is grieving, their emotions may be intense, ranging from anger, deep sadness to fear of the unknown. Well-meaning people often struggle with what to say, sometimes offering words that unintentionally cause more pain. Statements like “I know how you feel,” “It was God’s plan,” “Everything happens for a reason,” “He’s in a better place,” ‘You need to move on” can feel hurtful and dismissive. Instead, simple acknowledgments such as “You must miss him,” “I am here for you,” “This must be so hard,” “You will get through this” provide comfort and validation.

The greatest gift you can offer a grieving person is your presence — listening, sitting with them, and allowing them to express their emotions freely.

Grieving in the community

On grieving, we need our tribe — community. Grief is not meant to be endured alone. It could be tremendously difficult to grieve in isolation. We all need one another. We need connection, a community that listens, sees, and supports us, where healing is possible.

Modern life often fosters a sense of isolation, but healing is found in being with others. Whether through family, friends, or support groups, sharing our grief helps us feel less alone. You are allowed to take your time and space to grieve, feel strong emotions, share, express, and process them before reaching the moment of letting go.

No one should feel pressured to move on before they are ready, because it is a unique and individual experience. 

Grieving Is an expression of love

At its core, grief is love. We grieve because we love. Honoring, remembering, and speaking about those we have lost keeps their spirit alive. Though they are no longer physically present, the love we shared with them remains — limitless, infinite, and eternal. As we take steps forward, we carry that love with us, allowing it shape our lives and flow into the world around us.

Recently our community has been grieving with the Harshman and Blackmer families, who lost loved ones. Our prayers are for the families and friends. May God’s love and comfort be with you all.

TAKE AWAY TO-DOS:

Check out the NAMI National website at nami.org, and your NAMI Wyoming website at namiwyoming.com for signature programs, and upcoming events.

Check in on a friend, who might be struggling with mental health issues.

The Wyoming Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by call or text at 988 at any time.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist and part of Park County NAMI)