As Thanksgiving has come and gone, and other holidays approach, many people feel a mix of emotions. While there’s excitement about decorations, family dinners and gift-giving, it is not uncommon for people to feel sad, lonely, isolated or frustrated. These emotions can leave us overwhelmed and stressed. Although these feelings are normal and temporary, they do not have to overshadow your holiday spirit. Renowned spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle once said, “Unhappiness or negativity is a disease on our planet.” So, how can we create more happiness and positivity this season?

This time of year, meant to bring joy, often highlights a deeper struggle. Despite our “fundamental right” to happiness, and inherent nature of “Life, Love, and Peace,” holiday stress can activate survival instincts. Instead of embracing creativity and presence, many find themselves consumed by societal “shoulds” — cultural pressure for the perfect gifts, the perfect meals, and the obligations that feel impossible to meet. It is understandable so many people find this season stressful.

The holiday stressor: relationships

One of the greatest sources of holiday stress is relationships. Navigating complex family dynamics, unresolved conflicts, or strained connections often feels like an emotional minefield during this season. Psychotherapist Esther Perel emphasizes the significance of relationships, saying, “The quality of relationships determines the quality of life.” Similarly, spiritual teacher Ram Dass humorously remarked, “If you think you are enlightened, go and spend a week with your family.” While family can bring joy, these relationships, filled with history and shared memories, can also make holidays challenging.

What truly makes a happy life?

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which began in 1938, offers insights into this question. Over more than 80 years, researchers followed two groups of participants: privileged Harvard sophomores and boys from Boston’s poorest inner city, tracking their health, careers, relationships and overall well-being over time. Today, the study continues with their partners, children, offering a rare, multigenerational glimpse into human development. 

The study’s the most striking finding? “Good relationships keep us healthier and happier.” It does not matter how rich, famous, or successful you are; what truly matters most is the quality of our connections — with family, friends, and community — plays a vital role in shaping our well-being. 

The most important relationship: self

At the heart of meaningful relationships lies an essential, often overlooked connection: the relationship with oneself. Many people carry a harsh inner critic, being hard on themselves, judging their thoughts, feelings, looks, needs, and choices. This self-criticism can lead to self-neglect, shame, and a relentless focus on doing rather than being. The result? Sacrificing personal peace in the quest for external acceptance and validation.

Instead, it is crucial to honor our feelings, thoughts, and needs, making ourselves more at peace. Building healthier relationships begins with ourselves. 

Ask yourself:

• What is my relationship with myself? Is it peaceful, joyful, and positive?

• Do I treat myself as a best friend — kind, supportive, and forgiving?

• Do I trust, believe in, and value myself?

• Am I happy with who I am?

• Am I proud of myself?

• Do I believe I am enough?

Overall, do I love myself?

A healthy, loving relationship with yourself lays the foundation for fulfilling connections with others.

The power of relational intelligence

While IQ often predicts academic success, emotional intelligence (EQ) and relational intelligence (RQ) are essential for thriving in personal and professional settings. Relational intelligence focuses on how we build, maintain, and nurture our connections with others.

A strong relationship with oneself enhances relational intelligence. It allows us to show up with authenticity, and build meaningful connections based on trust, acceptance, and respect. By developing this skill, we can create relationships that enrich our lives rather than drain our energy.

A holiday invitation

This holiday season, focus on what truly matters: your relationships, starting with YOU. Take a few quiet moments to reflect on how you are treating yourself. Be kind, present, and loving toward yourself. Offer yourself grace and compassion.

By strengthening your inner world and nurturing the bonds you share with others, you can make this holiday season one to remember. And who knows? It might just become your best holiday season yet.

Take away to-dos:

Check out the NAMI National website at nami.org, and your NAMI Wyoming website at namiwyoming.com for signature programs, and upcoming events.

Check in on a friend, who might be struggling with mental health issues.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist and part of Park County NAMI)