David Pool

According to a recent book by Brad Wilcox, a University of Virginia sociologist, the greatest thing anyone can do for their own personal happiness has nothing to do with making a lot of money, driving the car or truck of your dreams, or living for your life-long ambitions. The single greatness thing a person can do to secure happiness is … get married and stay married.

That’s what the research shows.

And yet, it is also true that as a society, we find it a struggle to do both. There are, I’m sure, lots of reasons for that. No one’s circumstances are identical to others. Moreover, it is not good for someone to remain in an abusive marriage. But the fact is that stable marriages are good for people, good for children and good for our nation.

All marriages, no matter how strong, need a little recalibration from time to time.

Because so many marriages are under strain, let me share briefly a few components of healthy homes.

Listen well: It is a rare thing for people to listen well to each other these days. Yet, it’s a critical skill in life. One way to help your relationship with your spouse is astonishingly simple: Listen well to each other. Make eye contact. Sustain eye contact. We’ve become accustomed to distractions, always looking at the screen in our hands. But when you “listen-to-understand” your wife or husband, you are showing interest in them and communicating that they are important. That increases closeness!

The same team: A second point is to remember that you and your spouse are a team, meant to function together. The truth is that God put husbands and wives together to work together, row together and journey together as one flesh. Unity is crucial in marriage. We can only be unified if we forgive one another. If the Lord has forgiven us, how can we not forgive each other?

The stakes are high: There is so much to gain from making your marriage work and thrive. Will it mean sacrifice? Yes. Will it mean dying to yourself? For sure. But the payoff is huge. A strong marriage, with Christ at the center, is the greatest gift, the most valuable asset you can give your children.

Finally, put the Lord in the middle of your marriage and family. Jesus promised that if we would seek him and heed his instruction, our lives would flourish being built on the rock, Matthew 7:24-27. Make it a priority to follow Christ in your home. Read the Bible and pray together.

God invented marriage, and he intends it to flourish for you!

(David Pool is pastor at Grace Point in Powell.)