Doug Blough

I just read CJ Baker’s article, “Seeking to Keep Pet Goat, Woman Sues City” and it left me madder than a wet pet hen. I wholeheartedly agree Venus Bontadelli’s civil rights are being violated, and if she read my two most recent columns, she might consider putting me on her legal team. I’m so upset I’d offer my impressive legal chops pro bono. I’d team up with attorney Waisanen and station protesters outside carrying signs saying, “IT’S INSANE TO BANNISH PORSCHE LANE!!!”

I’m a former president of Cody’s animal shelter and a passionate animal lover. Although I currently only have one dog and one cat, there was a time in the 90s when I had two dogs and eight cats. That was mainly due to taking in a stray that shortly thereafter gave birth to a litter, but those little rascals brought endless joy to my pig sty. Would that have put me on Powell’s Top Ten Most Wanted list? When I saw the picture of Venus holding her tiny goat Porsche Lane, I asked myself, “When did the sweet little town of Powell become so darn mean?”

It’s not like Venus is housing a roaring lion or rampaging monkeys. She doesn’t have a pet crocodile crawling around her sidewalk. People who hoard exotic animals, particularly ones that can turn vicious, need to be dealt with harshly. But one little, 21-pound pygmy goat? Way to be rigid and gratingly unbending, city council.

I’ve always hated that “slippery slope” argument in denying common sense and compassion. One councilman is quoted, “I don’t think one pygmy goat is a big deal. But we don’t want a whole herd of Nubians running around either.” Well, neither does anyone, and if someone requests to housing some big Nubians, you simply say no. That herd of Nubians analogy is akin to denying a Harley Davidson chopper because “we don’t want the Hell’s Angels moving in.”

It’d be different if Venus’ and Porsche’s neighbors had a beef, but they’re speaking up on their behalf, which should naturally create that “wiggle room.” It REALLY got my goat to read it wasn’t a neighbor who complained, but someone completely unconnected. That’s like me complaining some resident on the golf course has too many vehicles out front. I’d have nothing to gain, but maybe I could make life miserable for someone else.

The whole damn Powell system needs to be overhauled. I’m too lazy to Google your pet ordinances, but I’ve heard people for years bemoan some “two pet limit” travesty. In a country and community that loves its dogs and cats, how can it be quaint, homey Powell that forbids three pets? It’s like youse voted Zohran Mamdani as your new mayor. Are litters of cute little kitties being hidden like baby Moses in the bullrushes?

Police chief Jim Rhea denied the exotic pet permit saying he has no wiggle room, but that just means you all need to git to wigglin’. Besides, many police officers who dealt with me in my wilder day created their own wiggle room, lol.

Then Bontadelli appealed for a brief exception to keep the clean, quiet goat while seeking an alternative, rural home — no doubt with the city council in tow with burning torches — and that too was flat-out denied. I think it’s a fair leap to conclude Powell officials don’t want animal lovers in their town. How many of the animal shelter’s dogs and cats languish in cages because potential adopters already have two pets?

It’s un-American I tell ya, and I don’t mean to scare anyone, but I might just run for mayor to turn this unfair system on it’s head. True, I’m not a Powell resident, but surely there could be some wiggle room. On day one, I’d call a special meeting and order the city council to abolish this two-pet limit nonsense and at the very least, make common sense exceptions for situations like Venus and Porsche. The word “exception” has an actual definition, ya know. It is, “A person or thing that is excluded from a general statement or does not follow a rule.” Powell seems to define exception as, “complete and unreasonable rigidity to every general statement or rule. And this without exception.”

I’m told that at least one can own four chickens and six rabbits. No wiggle room though for an exotic partridge in a pear tree.