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Columns

MY LOUSY WORLD: From the police files

For several years I’ve been kicking around the idea of publishing a book of collected police reports from local newspapers. That’s what I do: I kick around productive ideas until there’s no life left in them.

But I’ve invested too much to leave this one for dead. I’ve clipped and saved police blotters for years, compiling the most interesting ones. With this book, I hope to show what a safe, peaceful little berg in which we reside, as compared to crime-infested areas elsewhere.

The Wyoming Legislature is working on three bills this session that make me wonder just what those people are thinking.

To begin with, the House will vote this week on a bill titled, “Patriotism in the classroom.” The proposed law requires that an American flag be placed in every school classroom in the state, and, at first, even specified a minimum size.

SPORTS GUY: The end is nigh

Wednesday morning, Punxsutawney Phil, that world-renowned groundhog meteorologist, was unceremoniously hauled kicking and screaming from his den in the midst of a 50-year blizzard to inform folks that he couldn’t see his shadow, couldn’t feel his toes and really just wanted to get the heck back to bed and curl up under some warm blankets.

Not coincidentally, this Sunday, my wife will emerge from her burrow in the bedroom, gaze around the corner and realize that she can’t see football on the television. She will then concur that, indeed, spring must be close at hand.

MY LOUSY WOLRD: True love is just a game

Well, that February holiday of love rapidly approaches, when men everywhere shower their one true love with worshiping, undivided attention. (Then of course, a week after the Super Bowl comes Valentine’s Day).

This column is “To all the Bowls I’ve Loved Before.” Oh, that grand dame has been my sweet mistress and also my heartless betrayer over our 33-year relationship since we were introduced in ’78. Until that Dallas/Denver Super Bowl XII, I had never even watched a football game on TV. I didn’t know my pass from a hole in the ground.

Why am I saddened and disappointed by the House passage of HB 74 last week to supposedly underscore the “Validity of Marriage?”

Under Wyoming law, marriage is defined as a civil contract between a man and a woman. It’s been that way since territorial days, even before Wyoming was a state. It’s been my satisfying experience to be married under that Wyoming law for nearly 50 years.

A little more than a year ago, we moved into what I — of course affectionately — call The Shoebox.

Due to various and sundry factors (primarily economic), we had no choice but to surrender to the tiny, little house surrounded by the yard we couldn’t give up — all the while somewhat smug in our ability to downsize, to economize our space.

Again I offer unsolicited opinions on unrelated subjects in no particular order.

It’s amazing how many people apparently believe in reincarnation and want to come back as a common housefly.

Recently, at the opening of Congress, our good representatives took the time to read the Constitution out loud on the floor of Congress.

That’s not a bad thing. If anybody should read the Constitution, it’s the members of Congress. It is, after all, the basis for our government.

MY LOUSY WORLD: Love needn’t be blue

My oldies-but-goodies nostalgia escalated after last week’s music column, and I can’t get certain tunes out of my head. Every time I try to get something accomplished, here comes Ohio Express singing “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy” again. And when it’s a choice between being productive in the present or living in the past, the present doesn’t stand a chance.

A friend who tries to motivate me into furthering my writing and marketing opportunities sent me a link to a writing contest website.

It’s from a place called “Symphony Space” in New York City, and the submission must be 750 words or less and must involve a bar/restaurant setting. Well, bars are a “setting” I’ve sat in more than anyone should, and the reservoir of story-worthy events is vast.

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