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Doug Blough

Everyone is concerned about government corruption, yet seems oblivious to what’s going on in our funnies. Someone needs to look into possible “pay for play” corruption there.

turned 62 on Sept. 19, qualifying for premature Social Security. Now that I’m on Easy Street, I plan to travel even more, maybe going to Billings every couple months instead of once a year. Before pets, I spent many a Billings weekend playing poker and prowling nightclubs.

Every now and then, unexpressed sentiments build up and I need a non-specific-subject column to clear the blockage. Like a good suppository, it relieves and frees me up to digest more timely information.

I’d like to voice a few opinions about sports, but in no way should that Brett Favre-looking sports reporter, Dan Hoehne, feel threatened. Dan obviously knows his stuff, and I too had Major League baseball dreams since age 9. In fact, I wore a No. 9 T-shirt, mimicking my Pittsburgh Pirate hero, Bill Mazeroski.

I have unexpectedly come to an impasse with one of my most hated rivals. Finally I found a reason to love spellcheck. My tiny, Pantech phone didn’t have it, but did have a feature known as “Call Grating.” It would constantly dial or text people without my knowledge and certainly without my consent.

Some people assume because I have a certain flair for writing and a sometimes-bizarre, unconventional translation of everyday events, I must be highly intelligent. Many others are convinced I’m “special” in an entirely different kind of way, since I possess the inherited Blough forgetful gene and mechanical skills of a penguin. I’m sure Norm and Vickie Nichols fall securely into that latter category.

Have you ever had one of those close friends from way back who you suddenly realize shares none of your morals? One day it dawns on you, if he wasn’t such a good friend, you wouldn’t even like the guy!

My house is littered with unread newspapers of every ilk and my DVR library 98 percent full for the same reason it’s foolhardy not to read every section of your favorite newspaper: You’ll never know what priceless gem you have denied your brain forever.

We’ve all heard the expression, “Well, tell me something I don’t know!” That’s exactly what I was thinking tonight while watching a news report announcing daylight saving time increases incidents of automobile accidents, heart attacks and strokes. That’s almost a no-brainer.

It’s amazing how a negative encounter with a new neighbor, a long romance drought, and the Fox News Channel left on overnight can combine into one hell of a weird dream. I would prefer Donald Trump stay the heck out of my nocturnal hookups, but we don’t control such things. The subconscious writes the script.

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