MY LOUSY WORLD: Is this perfect life worth living?

Posted 5/12/11

I never saw any personal interaction between the monks, let alone an occasional joke followed by a good-natured slap on the butt. But their lips were constantly moving in silent prayer, always mouthing the “exact words Christ spoke.”

These …

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MY LOUSY WORLD: Is this perfect life worth living?

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A few weeks ago, 60 Minutes did an episode about Monastic life atop Mount Athos in Greece, where Orthodox Christianity has been purely practiced for 1,000 years. It was only the second time TV cameras or reporters were ever allowed on the premises.  

The 20 architecturally-miraculous monasteries sit within 130 breathtaking square miles. The singular, unwavering goal is to practice a devoted Christianity of self-denial every second of every day. They literally “pray unceasingly” as the Bible instructs; some even claim (and who am I to insinuate these guys might be fibbers?) to pray while sleeping.

I never saw any personal interaction between the monks, let alone an occasional joke followed by a good-natured slap on the butt. But their lips were constantly moving in silent prayer, always mouthing the “exact words Christ spoke.”

These guys get up at 3 a.m. every day, 365 days a year, only sleeping three hours a night. They’re undeniably a fit bunch-a-Monks, and even though there’s a monastic physician on the premises, he’s lonelier than the Maytag repairman. Eating only fruit and vegetables grown on the mountain and absolutely no meat, cancer is extremely rare and heart disease virtually non-existent. They only eat two meals a day, each lasting only 10 minutes and eaten in total silence.

At first glance, this is life lived according to a literal higher calling. How could one possibly become any closer to God than this? As one of the cats said, “Our only passion is to draw closer to Christ every day.”

Ah, but not so fast. Is this really what God had in mind? Granted, if you deny yourself every stimuli that could possibly lead to temptation, never see another human being who doesn’t share your lifestyle, and never watch one single episode of Dancing with the Stars, your sin checklist is going to look pretty clean. But at what cost?

There is no TV, no radios or newspapers, and only a few telephones. Father Yakamoz, who first visited the monastery from Massachusetts with his father when he was 6, received a call that his father was dying and his last wish was to see his son one last time. As Ol’ Yakamoz told Scott Pelley, he did not go, since he knows he’ll see his father “in paradise one day.”

He also didn’t leave the mountain to attend the funeral, explaining “Monastics don’t attend funerals of loved ones.” Oh, it’s always about YOU, isn’t it Mr. Yakamoz? What about your dad and the joy and peace he’d have found from your visit? There’s no “I” in monastery, ya know.

Every one of these monks strolling the grounds looked pretty similar: weathered and heavily-bearded. It could have been a reunion of ex-rock-stars, Deadheads, retired Hell’s Angels and Islamic extremists. I don’t remember Christ saying “Take up thy cross, quit shaving, and follow me.” I never saw one crew cut or mullet. Heck, bin Laden could have easily infiltrated this trusting group.

With only about 80 monks on the grounds, they receive thick stacks of applications each year. As one elderly feller explained, applicants serve a two-year probationary period, during which either they or the monastery bigwigs might abort by determining the monastic life isn’t their cup of herbal tea. They stop short of designating, “Prospect” on the back of their robes though.

Pelley narrated, “Mount Athos might be the last ‘men-only’ bastion left, since there hasn’t been a woman on the premises for 400 years.” Yakamoz explained, “It was found to be just too distracting.” Well sure, any husbands could be faithful to their wives if they locked themselves in the house and never laid eyes on another woman. But is that true love?

Satan didn’t tempt Christ on the mountain by saying, “If you reject God, I’ll let you sleep until 3 every morning, give you all the fruit and vegetables you can eat, and all the bearded men to look upon you ever dreamed possible.” Where’s the victory over sin in that?

Don’t get me wrong, there’s a big middle-ground between hanging out at the Playboy Mansion or at the Mount Athos Monastery. Are these extraordinary, disciplined monks serving a true purpose among lost humanity, or just biding time until all that broccoli and seaweed catches up to them?

As for me, I’ll continue to fight the good fight among the sinners and the temptations. I shall not be joining those Mount Athos monks any time soon, and certainly not until the summer reruns start.

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